Here we go. First off, click here for a complete transcript of the bullshit speech the president is giving tonight.

And here he comes, shaking hands and glad-handing his way down the aisle. I wish I had heard a few boos along with the thunderous applause, but nope. Speaking of which, Cindy Sheehan was supposed to be in attendance tonight, but apparently she was arrested inside the Capitol building about a half hour ago, give or take. No word on why yet.

My father is calling for the president to drop dead as he stands smugly behind the podium.

Wheee, another standing ovation. That's two.

Oooo, starting out with Coretta Scott King's death. Like the president fuckin' gave a shit about her or about civil rights. Pandering motherfucker.

State of the union is strong? What the hell did he smoke before entering the building?

Our leadership? In what, torture? Violating civil liberties?

Mention of 9/11 - there's one!

He looks a lot grayer to me than he did a few years ago.

Wow...he actually mentioned bin Laden...wasn't he going to capture him "dead or alive?"

Another standing ovation...

Not all terrorists are radical Islamists, y'know.

Wheee, standing ovation!

How much opium is coming out of Afghanistan now? More than when the taliban was in charge? Just checkin'.

We are winning the War on Terror, huh? Tell that to the soldiers who keep getting killed in Iraq.

"We will decrease the troop levels in time for the November elections to give my fellow Republicans a boost."

Does this guy ever read a newspaper? Does he even know what's going in other parts of the world or does he just pull this crap out of his ass?

Iraq is a strategic country, huh? Thank god they got all that oil.


How can these people who never sniffed war themselves constantly use dead soldiers for political purposes?

And an ovation for all America's dead soldiers. I wonder how many will die this year because of this damn war.

Now an ovation for calling on Hamas to not want to destroy Israel anymore. Like that'll happen.

Saudi Arabia...say, weren't most of them 9/11 terrorists from Saudi Arabia?

Iran. Nuclear ambitions. Can't let 'em do it. Invade? Nope, Russia and China would be pissed. Guess we'll have to try DIPLOMACY this time. Nuts.

We show compassion abroad? Sure, as long as it suits our "national interest." How about that genocide in Darfur, huh?

Why do these people keep standing up to applaud? Are their chairs rigged with electrical shocks?

He dares to bring up the Patriot Act? Fuck him. Civil liberties? What're those?

Second 9/11 mention...here's his wiretapping defense. Oh, what bullshit. Other fucking presidents used warrants, asshole.

"Our government failed to connect the dots of the conspiracy" Bull-fuckin'-shit. How 'bout that memo titled "bin Laden determined to attack inside the U.S.?"

Our economy is shit! For god's sake, the only reason it goes up at all is because it dove so low when he first took office.

When did America become the center of the universe? There are other people in the world who don't need us, you know.

Yeah, all those rich, white CEOs sure appreciate their tax cuts, don't they?

He's gonna cut a $400 billion deficit by '09? Yeah, right. Again with the pipe-smoking.

These fuckin' Republicans make me sick. Up and down, up and down. Their noses couldn't be any further up his ass if they tried. They'd fuckin' clap if he sneezed.

Hee hee hee. The Dems are applauding his Social Security plan failure.

He can't even spell "partisan politics." To him, it probably means, "everyone just do what I say."

I think India and China can outproduce and outcompete the American worker, but that's just me.

Affordable health care. Let's see where this one goes.

Meeting the responsibility of getting health care to the poor and elderly? Is that why over 45 million Americans don't have health insurance?

Like he really wants clean energy. Wouldn't that put all his oil buddies out of work?

Ethonol-based fuel within six years? And how much money is he putting toward this?

More money for education, huh? I'll believe it when I see it. Didn't he just slash the education budget by over $15 million?

Where is all this money going to come from, for these 70,000 teachers who are going to teach AP math and science classes?

Science is this guy's worst enemy, for god's sake. He doesn't have a clue.

Personal responsibility? Did he just fucking talk about personal responsibility? Oy.

The culture of corruption rears its head. Say, how often did Jack Abramoff meet with the president at the White House?

Hooray for his conservative judges!

Human/Animal hybrids? What the fuck?

Take your goddamn "Creator" and shove him up your ass. Separation of Church and State, fucker!

$85 billion to New Orleans? Sure, for the rich, white neighborhoods.

Don't you dare mention Martin Luther King, you motherfucker. He would have DESPISED you.

Thank god, it's over. Man, I need a drink.


Real quick, Cindy Sheehan was arrested for wearing a t-shirt that read "2,245 Dead — How Many More??"


Ithiel said...

woo for streaming consciousness.

tldr though :)

I'll get to it tomorrow prolly.

AliKat said...

I couldn't bring myself to watch it, i am depressed enough as it is. You can get arrested for wearing a t-shirt like that? That is fucked up. I bet they would have arrested her even if she was wearing an I heart Bush t-shirt. Anything to keep her away from the SOTU.

Angelkris said...

See? I knew I didn't have to watch it- your recap was much more entertaining.

mEg said...


Anonymous said...

A friend of mine (thank God only one) was one of those 2,245 and every guy over there asks that same question: "how many more?" Because you don't want it to be you and you don't want it to be your buddy. If they're arresting her for that, then this isn't the country I thought I was defending.

By the Way! I'm in town starting Saturday, so it's all tits, and ass, and late fees on all of that pornography we'll have rented. You can get my number through my little sister or anybody else who's kept up.

-- The God of Hellfire