Touched By His Noodly Appendage
I finished reading The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, the holiest of Pastafarian holy books, in which the tenets of this most awesome religion are written.
Imagine, if you will, a religion that has never gone to war over opposing beliefs, a religion that emphasizes peace, pasta and Pirates above all else, a religion that considers Fridays to be holy days of rest and relaxation, a religion with flimsy moral standards (due to the First Pirate, Mosey, accidentally dropping two of the ten "I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts" on his way down Mount Salsa, and, you know, Pirates), a religion that has a Heaven containing both a Beer Volcano AND a Stripper Factory (male strippers are available for our female and homosexual Pastafarians), a religion, I shit you not, based on hard science and empirical evidence (have you noticed the correlation between rising global temperatures and the falling number of Pirates in the world over the past couple hundred years? We have a graph).
Imagine a religion that doesn't judge (except for those batshit insane Born Agains and Scientologists) and welcomes everyone with open Noodly Appendages and a thirty-day God-back guarantee: Try us for thirty days and if you don't like us, your God will most likely take you back.
Where else can you get a deal like that? You really can't go wrong. So if you find your current faith wavering, or you just want to piss off your parents, let me strongly suggest Flying Spaghetti Monsterism (FSMism for short). What have you got to lose?
And let us say, RAmen.