I need to write more. The reason I started writing a blog 'lo those many years ago was to force myself to write more often than I was at the time. And for a while I was great at it. Two, three, four posts a day. Were they substantive? Probably not, but I was writing them anyway. And then I got carried away.
I became so consumed with politics for a time, it seemed like that was all I wrote about. This administration conjured so much venomous bile in me that if I didn't vomit it onto the blog it would have proven even more toxic to me, slowly killing me with the shear and utter incompetence it embodied on a daily basis. But it became too much. A task, a chore that I felt I had to carry out. It was all-consuming and mentally draining. It takes a lot of effort to harbor the amount of anger and hatred I felt for my government. I was cultivating it, nurturing it. I needed it. Or so I thought.
I felt as though a great weight had lifted from my shoulders when I initially shut the blog down. I needed to get away, to recharge my batteries, to discover why it was that I felt this compulsion to write. But something happened that I wasn't expecting. Not writing about politics released much of the pent up rage I had been holding on to. (As you may have noticed, I've written nary a rant against Bush Nation in nearly a year.) Unfortunately, I feel I haven't been able to write much of anything of any importance lately. And I'm not sure why.
I think I was so passionate in my hatred, contempt and disdain for our pathetic excuse of a president that I misplaced my passion for just about everything else. When I decided not to write much, if anything, about politics it was as though I were a balloon that had been stuck with a needle, all my hot air rushing out as I flew about the room before fluttering, limp and empty, to the floor.
Don't get me wrong. I still feel nothing but righteous anger toward Bush and his cronies. But I also feel something I hadn't felt before, when I'd get myself all worked up over what he was doing to my country: sadness. Every day I read about the latest violation of the Constitution perpetrated by the administration and I simply shake my head and wonder at how we could have let this happen. Were we so blinded by the thought of vengeance after 9/11 that we were willing to live in a police state? How could there be so much apathy amongst the citizenry of this Once Great Country?
I need to write more. I need to reignite the passion that once burned me to the core, that caused me to scream and to rant and to write. I don't necessarily need to anguish over the administration as I once did. There are plenty of writers, both on- and offline, who more eloquently make my points for me. But I need something. I need to regain my passion.